When will I get married? I always get asked this question, as do you, I suppose, like being single means something’s wrong with you. Here’s what to say to nosy people.
The pressure in society to get married is counterproductive to the personal development that is necessary to have a healthy relationship, and we need to think independently to decide if that social contract is relevant to our life goals.
Let’s look at how you can be proud that you are single and relish in your independence as you’re leading an example for women who may be blindly following social norms, leading them to premature relationships or unfulfilling lives.
When we wait for the right man that will treat us with respect, it takes time, and still, we may never decide to marry because we are passionate about helping the world and that requires enough of our energy.
When will I get married? Well, maybe tomorrow, maybe never! Here are some examples of how you can respond to marriage questions so you can help to unwind that tightly bound thinking which suggests that women are just meant to get married.
I recommend that you not answer this question with anger or hostility, but just acknowledge that that is their way of thinking and offer a fresh perspective. If you talk to them like a friend about your opinions, it will be more effective that getting defensive, and might actually help them. Here are some ideas of how to respond that might go along with how you feel.
Q: “When will you get married?”
I hardly find that question relevant compared to the many pressing problems our world is facing. Why does it have to be my goal to get married? Is that because a man has to take care of me? Is that because I must find happiness in someone else? This archaic way of thinking really isn’t relevant to today’s progressive individual.Must I wait for the state to sign off on my love and verify it is authentic? Must I only have the type of love you have been taught? What if my love comes when it comes and goes when it goes?
A: Because marriage often promotes unconscious behaviors that are bad for the environment and society.
Take your mind outside of that box and start thinking about how many people live in debt because they buy into the concepts that buddy up with marriage, like working a boring 9-5 job and getting a high mortgage that traps you into that boring job. Not to mention all of the obligatory birthday parties rampant with unhealthy food.Marriage doesn’t have to be a negative thing, but a lot of times it is because people rush into it before they find themselves and work on their emotional development.
A: I think a more important question is, “When am I going to change the world?”
When people try to make you feel bad about not being married, you should bring up how irrelevant your marriage is when it comes to the problems that the world needs help with, such as poverty, violence and natural resource scarcity. Sound a little melodramatic? For people that live in a bubble and turn a blind eye to the harsh realities outside of suburban America, they may literally laugh at you for saying something like that.And you can then know you don’t really need to be hanging out with those people because they clearly are calloused and don’t have compassion for others who are struggling. People that only live for themselves have a poisoned mind and will rub off on you if you stay too close.
If a man can’t handle you being a mover and a shaker and being someone important to the society, they aren’t worth your time anyway.
A: Because I want a progressive man, and they are hard to find.
If someone asks you why you aren’t married yet, you can simply say because it takes a while to find someone with the same life views and lifestyle that you’re attracted to. You could also say that you’re developing your life-long career and don’t have the time or energy to put into a relationship.You can also say that you don’t believe that you need marriage to be happy, and if someone enters your life, you wouldn’t need to marry them to validate how you feel.
Why can’t we decide how to spend our time? Oh wait, we can! Women that settle always end up paying for it and can grow deep resentments. Women that rush into marriage often end up with a man who doesn’t respect them, and they end up fighting with their spouse or find themselves dating an alcoholic. Not to mention, they are unhappy and may end up drinking to deal with it.
A: Many men are emotionally closed off, which creates unhealthy relationships.
You can be honest with people, and say that most men are not very open communicators and are emotionally closed off, so you would like to meet a man that is not overly masculine. Most men will not talk about their feelings and make fun of people who do. Not only that, but they will make you feel silly for trying to share your feelings.When a man does not honor a woman’s feelings or express his feelings, it affects both people negatively. Bottling up emotions leads to outbursts and miscommunications. Communication is a very important part of a healthy relationship, and if a man is not willing to work on himself and admit his faults, he will not make a good partner.
The truth is, there are just very few men that have evolved to this level, and women often settle for less.
A: Because I don’t want to give up on my dreams.
You will not date a man that expects you to give up on your dreams in order to fit in the constructs of a traditional relationship. Often people will respond to this and say that a nice guy will support your dreams. However, women easily lose sight of what is truly important to them in relationships, and end up just working to make money.When a relationship becomes the most important thing in someone’s life, they often become addicted to it and forget what they were working towards, even very independent women like me struggle with this. Emotions are strong, and we must resist the urge to lose ourselves in a relationship
Q: “Why aren’t you married?”
This is that question that comes with a bit of a sting sometimes. Our ego can feel like they are saying, “Why aren’t you prettier?” or, “Why aren’t you more appealing?”, but that’s not it at all, people who are narrow-minded still believe that a woman should be married and making babies at home, as if we aren’t capable of leadership.Well, it’s time for women to step up and strap on our boots and get stuff done. We can’t be held back by dated concepts that are keeping us from being equal with men. If we ever find ourselves in situations where we can’t speak our minds, we need to leave those situations, whether it’s a relationship or a job.
A: I will not date a man that undermines me or expects to control me.
Many men try to control women because they are raised to believe they are the head of the household. Women often find their men commenting on how they should dress or telling them how to spend their time, and we become secondary to their whims.Of course, this is not always the case, and many women have healthy marriages, but most, I’m afraid, do not. Men still dominate the majority of society, government, business and personal relationships.
A: Most men still don’t see women as equals.
Most men still don’t see women as equals, which leads them to believe they can do whatever they want, even if it means messing around on their wife. They think of women as objects and focus on their beauty rather than their heart and mind. This is not the case for ALL men, just most.I can’t tell you how many women I know that are silently trapped in a relationship because they feel like that is normal. It’s the same with jobs, they stay even when their boss is degrading or treats them like an imbecile. Well ladies, we are not here on this planet to just sit here and look pretty as I’ve often heard men say.
Men will be intimidated by independent women because they will feel like we are aggressive when we are only speaking up for ourselves. Since most women do not do and say what they want, when men meet someone that doesn’t put up with chauvinism, they may think we are controlling. Who cares, though?
A: I won’t sacrifice my health to date someone.
Most men are extremely unhealthy. There’s no question that our society believes that a manly man is one that drinks beer and eats steak, right? Well, that concept has some pretty strong backlashes that come along with it.The men fight the women who are trying to get them to learn about eating healthy, and the women end up sacrificing their own health to accommodate the men’s preferences. What the heck is that?
A: People often try to find happiness in marriage when they need to find it in themselves.
We have to put an end to men being the head of the household and to women feeling like they have to have a marriage to be content. Women often fall into the trap of thinking that they will be happy once they find the right man, when that is not the case at all. They will only find the right man when they are happy with themselves.A: If I find an emotionally healthy man, I might consider it one day.
This would be a logical answer that most people will understand. But don’t waste your breath trying to defend your decision to people that are not going to listen to you.A lot of times, women who choose not to prioritize having a relationship are gossiped about as being gay or just cold, when that is not the case. Many very warm and loving women who work tirelessly to take care of people are single because it’s not a priority to them.
They are not hiding anything at all; they are actually living exactly how they feel is best and are not worried about a man. Often progressive women will wait until they have developed themselves in a career to settle down because they want to have the freedom to travel or move where they need to for work. It’s actually a very noble thing to do and a courageous sacrifice.
Look at this type of question as an opportunity
I don’t want to seem overly negative or cynical about marriage because I think it can be cool and encourage positive change in society as long as both people continue to focus on the big picture and not get lost in the micro world of the family. When you get this question, look at it as an opportunity to shed light on some important topics in society that are close to your heart.You should maybe open your heart to share how you’ve been undermined in relationships, and if you have had trouble leaving an unhealthy relationship or job, share what you have learned.
Be willing to open your heart about the subject and speak up
As I write this, my mind reminds me of all the people I know who will be offended by it, and that just reminds me how scared we women are and how deeply rooted those fears are. Think about how hard it is for you to challenge someone else’s belief systems. Do you just stay silent and avoid it because you don’t want to seem controversial?I challenge you to speak up for women and blow the cover off this really backwards way of thinking that is hurting more people than it’s helping. Women can choose if they want to get married and should do so. There is nothing wrong with them if they don’t.
I challenge you to find your voice
and share what you have experienced as far as inequality with other men
and women goes. Share how it felt, your inner struggle and how you have
overcome it. You will find many women that hold these experiences inside, and
will be relieved to talk about them.
Many men also observe these
behaviors and will be open to talking about them; you just need to open the
conversation without anger, but in a heartfelt way.
Please share this article with
single friends or anyone who doesn’t understand your priorities. Continue
talking about women’s choices and how we need to be ok with being single. It
can heal our culture and allow men to get in touch with their emotions, because
let’s face it, they are hurting too. We are capable of changing the world,
ladies.
Hi. I’m Designer of Blog Magic. I’m CEO/Founder of ThemeXpose. I’m Creative Art Director, Web Designer, UI/UX Designer, Interaction Designer, Industrial Designer, Web Developer, Business Enthusiast, StartUp Enthusiast, Speaker, Writer and Photographer. Inspired to make things looks better.
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